Warning: sad, angst, guilt and major spoilers in EPII.
Summary: Jr. has a nightmare about his past and then continued with the aftermath of Jr.'s battle with Albedo in the end of EPII.
: Actually this fic was inspired from a fan comic (a 3 parts doujinshi) and a fan art of Xenosaga which instead depict Shion instead of Rubedo nor Albedo. I tried to make a comic about this, but it wasn't finished so I try to translate the thing into to writing instead. The dream scene is depicted surrealistic according to my head so I don't know what's in yours. BTW, my style is 1st person, so... no offense to those who has read like millions of fan fics before. And this is actually my first proper fanfic, so... Oh, and remember that Jr. addresses Ziggy as 'old man'. Oh, there's so much feels in writing this fic. En...joy??
I didn't realize that I was asleep until my ears caught a huge mumble. When I awake, instead of breathing air, I notice I breath something hard and it produces bubbles. I'm underwater with lying position.
The mumbling sound increases and start to become a disturbing noise. And then I notice something colored in red.
I rise up immediately and the move take me out of the water. I finally breathe air. As I try to fill my synthethic lungs with air, I hear laughter. Someone's laughing...hard. I know this voice.
The red color... it comes from rose petals. No, it wasn't just rose. But then I noticed another color, white.
"If you die, I want to die too!"
In the beginning, Albedo and I were one. Albedo was literally attached to my back from conception until the 28th week. His heart was attached somewhere around the right side of my back. And that leads to...
"But since you can't die, let's repeat that!"
At first I don't understand what is he intended to do. Albedo got a lots of flowers (some flowers' been ruined) in his arms and start to throw them all over me. He's been doing this all of this time?
"Now, you're dead! But you know, you should stay inside the water to make it more convincing!"
"What do you mean?" I asked him, confused.
"Now that you're dead, you'll just have to..." he pull out some thing from his back. It's a pistol.
"What...? What the...?!"
"Here!" Albedo pull my hand and put the pistol on my hand. "Shoot me. So that when I'm dead, the both of us dead. And as you 'ressurected' back, so do I!" Albedo laughs again. "Let's play this game forever!"
"You're nuts...!!" I slam the pistol unto the water and grab Albedo on his shirt.
He looked surprisingly, confused. "What is it Rubedo? It's not like the beating in your right chest going to stop as well."
I wake up.
And then I realized, it's not that I can't take care of him. I can't escape him. He's my other-half.
Do I hate him? I wasn't supposed to have that feeling. He's my brother.
"I'm not a monster!"
Or is he my shadow, instead? His existence keeps on reminding me that we're once one and we're...
Dang it...! It's because of U-DO...Albedo contacted U-DO... No, or is it my fault instead to not take good care of him that he ended up contacted U-DO?
I'm a fool...
"Let's hurry up and finish this."
"When I kill you, I'll have everything."
"It's so disgusting... I'm sick of you clinging to me like this!"
"Are you ready to fight now?"
"You should just smash him [me]!"
"It shouldn't be a problem for you."
"How long you gonna keep holding back?"
"Kill him [me] already! Come on!"
"He [I] was always getting in the way."
"You don't need a loser like him [me] around."
"Hurry up and kill me!"
I am... me. I won't...give in to it.
Albedo wants to die. But that is something that I can't possibly give him.
Old man reminded me that death is the rest for the soul. If the body did not die, and the fears borne in the mind just continued to pile up, the world would be nothing more than an eternal prison.
I wonder what Albedo truly feels? Or has he completely loses his mind to U-DO?
I fought Albedo, I beat him. Funnily though, it was... fun. That's right, I was created as a weapon afterall.
Albedo collapses from his medium throne. And he said "That's not it. We're not foolish because we're tools, it's because we're men."
"Albedo?" I don't understand. "Why you're saying this?"
Albedo take a look at his left arm. "Oblivion, huh?"
"What is he saying?" Suddenly my chest feels hard. I saw Albedo's body looked transparent.
"At least, I won't have to fear losing anyone anymore."
"Albedo?" There's a distortion in my voice.
"What's with that face? You look like you just lost your best friend, Rubedo."
Albedo's... gonna die, and... it's my fault too. "You bastard!" Tears starts flooding my eyes. "You knew all along--"
"What are you talking about?" he said, calmly. I've never seen Albedo's face in such peace before, not after years ago when he knew he's an immortal. "I... I can't stand you or Nigredo." But now this... Why won't he make his lunatic faces again?! I can't help myself but hang my head and cry. Dang it...! "Rubedo... Beware of Nigredo's shadow." I rise my head. "Think it is he doesn't react to U-DO."
Nigredo...? As I look up, something's shining above. "Kirschwassers?" They're not like what they supposed to. These Kirschwassers have wings. Like...like angels. And they descends near Albedo.
They start to ascend and take Albedo with them. "No! Don't go! Albedo! Don't go! Don't leave me alone!" How ironic, I said the exact same thing Albedo cried to me years ago.
"Ah, look, Rubedo! I'm free!" he says as he and the Kirschwassers started to approach the light.
"Albedo?" No... He really leaving me behind. "Albedo...!!!